Full Lecture Transcript (Cleaned)
The Question — 0:38
The question is: what is haram to do when engaged in intimacy with one's spouse? What are the acts that are not allowed? This is a sexually explicit topic, and this talk is not intended for young children.
The Two Explicitly Forbidden Acts — 0:54
There are two things that are explicitly forbidden directly in the text of the Quran and Sunnah.
First: Anal Intercourse
This is absolutely forbidden without any doubt, according to hadith, and we can infer it from the Quran as well, even if it is not stated explicitly.
As for the Quran, Allah says: "Your wives are like a cultivation unto you, so approach your wives however you wish." Our scholars — and even the Tabi'un — derived from the reference to cultivation that the point of cultivation is the vagina, not the other organ, and this amounts to an indirect disapproval of anal intercourse.
As for the hadith, there are numerous narrations reported by over seven Sahaba, with over ten different chains, all forbidding anal intercourse. In one hadith in Abu Dawud, the Prophet ﷺ said: "Whoever comes to his wife while she is menstruating, or from her back (i.e., her anus), has disbelieved in what has been revealed to the Prophet." In another narration, he said: "Allah will not look at a man who approaches his wife from her back" — meaning Allah is displeased with him. In Sunan al-Nasa'i, a man came to the Prophet ﷺ and asked whether he could approach his wife "from behind." The Prophet ﷺ gave permission, then called the man back and asked: did you mean with her back facing you but approaching from the vagina (a different position), or did you mean her anus? Yasir Qadhi notes the Prophet ﷺ asked this question directly and explicitly. The Prophet ﷺ then quoted the Quranic verse — "Allah is not embarrassed of the truth" — and said: do not approach women from their anuses. This is an explicit hadith.
There is also the narration of a man who came to the Prophet ﷺ saying he had done something that would destroy him. When asked what he had done, he said he had turned his wife around — meaning he engaged in vaginal intercourse with her in a different position. The Prophet ﷺ reassured him that this was not a sin. This clarifies that sexual positions are permissible — it is only the orifice that matters.
Second: Vaginal Intercourse During the Menstrual Period
Allah says in the Quran (2:222): "They ask you about the menses. Say: it is something that is an irritation, so avoid approaching women during the time of their menses and do not come close to them until they purify themselves." There is unanimous consensus among all scholars of Islam, without exception, that engaging in vaginal intercourse during the menses is a sinful act. The scholars differ on whether a kaffarah (expiation) is required, but the prohibition itself is undisputed. If it occurs, one should repent to Allah, give charity, and not repeat it.
This does not mean the wife becomes impure as a person. The Prophet ﷺ, when Aisha began her menses while lying next to him, told her simply to put on another garment and come back to bed. A hadith in Sahih Bukhari records a man asking the Prophet ﷺ: "What is permissible for me when my wife is in her menses?" The Prophet ﷺ said: "Everything other than intercourse." Kissing, fondling, stimulation — all of this is permissible. What is not permitted is vaginal penetration.
Sexual Positions Are Permissible — varies
The Quran itself resolved a marital dispute about this. A man from Mecca married a woman from Medina. The Ansar of Medina had adopted the habits of the Jews, who permitted only the missionary position (woman on her back, with a sheet over the couple). The Quraish of Mecca had no such restrictions and would engage in intercourse in whatever position they wished.
The man from Mecca attempted to be intimate in the way he was accustomed to, and his wife refused. The dispute spread among the people. Allah then revealed: "Your wives are like a field unto you, so approach your women however you please." Allah did not mandate any particular position. The hadith of the Prophet ﷺ also confirms: "You may approach your women on their backs or turned around, as long as you approach from the vaginal orifice."
The conclusion is clear: any sexual position the couple agrees to is permissible.
What About Other Practices? — varies
We live in a time when many questions come in about fetishes and other practices. The principle is: whatever happens in the privacy of the bedroom that does not cross the two explicitly forbidden lines — anal intercourse and intercourse during menses — the Sharia is silent on it. Remaining silent on something means it is between the couple.
Yasir Qadhi emphasizes an important distinction: something can be ignoble without being sinful. A person may personally find a practice distasteful or unworthy, and that is a valid personal feeling. But it is a different matter to declare it haram. Do not use culture or personal discomfort as a proxy for Islamic prohibition. The Sharia has its own criteria.
He also notes that over-sexualization in modern society has influenced what questions people now ask — but that is the environment we live in. The principle remains: as long as no haram line is crossed, we let it go.
Mutual Consent Is Required — varies
This point must be stated clearly: a husband cannot force his wife into acts beyond standard intercourse, and vice versa. What Allah has mandated between spouses is the basic marital right. If one partner has an unusual preference and the other finds it degrading or uncomfortable, the second partner has the right to decline. Mutual agreement is the condition for anything beyond the norm.
On Recording Intimate Acts — varies
Even in an ideal scenario where a couple recorded themselves and only they ever watched it, one might theoretically argue permissibility. But in reality, we must account for what actually happens:
For these reasons, Yasir Qadhi says: do not record intimate imagery. The potential harms vastly outweigh any conceivable benefit. He makes a limited exception for live video calls between spouses separated by physical distance, if the connection is direct and nothing is recorded — this may serve a legitimate purpose. But any form of recording is highly problematic.
Summary
What is forbidden: anal intercourse and vaginal intercourse during menses — both by explicit Quran and Sunnah with scholarly consensus.
What is permissible: any sexual position, and anything else the couple mutually agrees to within the privacy of their marriage, provided no forbidden line is crossed, no harm is done, and no imagery is recorded. And Allah knows best.