Full Lecture Transcript (Cleaned)
Context: A Tragic Murder-Suicide in Dallas — 0:00
Today's Q&A will be a special one. It will deal with the tragic incident that took place here in Dallas yesterday. For those who are not aware: a murder-suicide occurred in which an entire family of six individuals was killed by two of their own family members — both of whom were suffering from years of depression. One of them left a note explaining everything.
This has understandably shaken our entire community of Dallas. There has been a lot of speculation and a lot of questions, and the community is looking for some type of explanation and answers. So today insha'Allah we are going to discuss some of the things not specific to this one case only, but to extrapolate from it so that insha'Allah we can prevent anything like this from ever happening again.
We begin by asking Allah's help on a very, very sensitive topic. The wounds are still fresh. And indeed, these are times when belief brings solace and comfort. To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return. We send our sincerest condolences to the family and friends of all those who are deceased. Our duas and prayers — we ask Allah to give those who are alive among their family and friends sabr. We also make dua for all those who have passed away. At some level, they are all victims. It is not our role to judge their fate in the Hereafter. That is in the courts of Allah.
The Comfort of Belief in Qadar — 4:00
I want to begin by moving a little theologically. At times like these, belief in qadar brings a sense of solace. Belief in qadar helps us grapple with the question of why this is happening, what the wisdom is. And in the end, even if we don't understand the wisdom, we do understand that no one can escape the qadar of Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). We are all bound by what is decreed. And in that acceptance there is an element of consolation — a sense of relegating affairs to Allah.
Allah says in the Quran that those whose deaths had been pre-decreed — even if they had stayed at home, they would have gone out of their houses and met their deaths at the time and place and manner that Allah had decreed for them. No soul can die except with the permission of Allah.
The Big Elephant in the Room: Mental Health — 5:30
Now — obviously the big elephant in the room in this entire incident is the issue of mental health. The issue of depression. The issue of especially teenage depression. Because the problem, dear Muslims, is that we — the Muslim community — have a serious problem within our own ranks. In almost every one of our specific cultures, whether Arab, Pakistani, Indian, or Bengali, mental health is not viewed as a real problem. Many people think it is imaginary. A lot of people also think it is just a spiritual problem — a religious problem — that if they only had iman, they wouldn't be sick.
I am stopping my regular Q&A today and dedicating this entire session to this one issue. Not because I want to keep bringing attention to one tragedy, but because we want to make sure nothing like this ever happens again. We are using this to shed light on a very awkward topic: the very real existence of mental illness within our own ranks, and the fact that there is an almost sinister cover-up — a refusal to acknowledge that there is such a thing as clinical depression. People are struggling with mental issues and suicidal thoughts. They are embarrassed to come out and tell people. And when they do tell their family and friends, they are rejected and told to "man up."
A Personal Confession — 9:00
I have to acknowledge our own mistakes. I myself was guilty of this misconception, and I'll be honest with you. It is true that many clergy, many respected ulama, do not understand clinical depression. They don't understand psychiatry. And so they say things based on misunderstandings of verses and hadith, and those statements are then propagated within the scholarly class and unfortunately transferred to the public.
What I mean is the notion that mental depression is purely a spiritual issue. This is something I myself was taught. I heard it with my own ears from respected ulama multiple times — in khutbahs and lectures — while I was studying in the blessed city of Madinah. The notion was said to us clearly: if you are a good believer, if your iman is strong, then you cannot be depressed. We were even given Quranic verses: "Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find tranquility" and "Whoever turns away from My remembrance shall live a miserable life." And from those verses the teaching was: mental illness is a disease of iman.
I will confess that when I returned to this country 16 or 17 years ago, I said this in a lecture or two. And I thank Allah that there was a psychiatrist in the audience whom I knew from my university days. She very gracefully pulled me aside afterward and said: "You need to study this. You cannot say this anymore." I started reading and studying more, and it is very clear that mental issues, depression, and suicidal thoughts are not always based upon a lack of spirituality.
The Two Circles — 13:00
Dear Muslims: religious clergy are the inheritors of the prophets — respect them and give them their rights. But at the same time, do not extrapolate their knowledge to areas they are not specialists in. Go to ulama for halal and haram. Go to ulama for tafsir of the Quran. Go to ulama for the seerah of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam). But you do not go to ulama for psychiatric issues. You do not go to ulama for a teenager who is thinking about suicide. You need to go to trained therapists.
I'm not saying don't go to ulama at all — go to them for spiritual guidance. But don't go to them for the clinical therapy that is needed. That is a separate science altogether. We are not trained in how to counsel drug addicts. We are not trained in what to say when somebody comes in thinking about suicide. That is simply not in our training.
The misunderstanding arises from a failure to distinguish two things. There is something called spiritual happiness and spiritual emptiness — and there is no question about that. The Quran describes spiritual happiness as coming from belief in and worship of Allah. We all know this: we feel good when we're religious, and we feel an emptiness when we're away from Allah.
However, mental happiness and mental problems are not the same as spiritual happiness and spiritual problems. Think of it as two overlapping circles — like a Venn diagram. They overlap in the middle. But there are also separate areas on each side. What this means is: you can be spiritually fulfilled and yet mentally unhappy. You can be checking all the spiritual boxes — praying, believing in Allah, doing everything right — and still have a mental illness that is outside the sphere of the spiritual struggle. And therefore, no matter how much you put into the spiritual box, it is not going to solve what is happening in the mental illness side.
Both of these boxes need to be filled. It's good to have iman in Allah, and it's good to be mentally balanced. But the two are somewhat independent of one another, which is why we need to understand that there are areas of specialty, and you go to the experts of each field.
Depression Cannot Just Be Snapped Out Of — 17:00
Depression and mental illness are diagnosable medical issues. You can't just snap out of them. Our elders say to us: "Hey, I dealt with worse. When I came to this land I had to struggle with three jobs. You have it easy." And what happens when you shut people down like that is that it makes the situation worse.
Let me ask you: if somebody had cancer, would you just say "pray and make dua and that's it"? Or would you say "let's go to the doctor, let's get the radiation therapy, let's get the chemotherapy done — and along with that, make dua to Allah"? What would you say?
Once we understand that mental illness is just as much of a diagnosable problem as a physical ailment, then we should understand that we should not shut people off. We should not just tell them to deal with it, grow up, snap out of it, and make dua. It does not work that way. We have to be genuinely empathetic. We need to open up about this sensitive topic and understand that there is nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be embarrassed about.
Warning Signs to Watch For — 19:00
We all need to recognize the signs and symptoms, and monitor in our family and friends what is going on. What is very terrifying is that the closest family members and friends of this particular family — even though they knew something was wrong — none of them were in any way prepared for this reality. None of them knew it was this bad. This means we need to educate ourselves.
Among the symptoms that indicate someone is struggling with depression — as listed on national mental health websites — are:
- Constantly thinking about the uselessness or meaninglessness of life — "what's the point?"
- Thinking of death as a demotivational factor — not in the productive Islamic sense of remembering death, but in the sense of sitting and saying "what's the point, I'm going to die anyway"
- Thinking about causing one's own death — if a person is constantly researching or contemplating how to take their own life, this is a red-alert emergency
- Extreme changes in eating, sleeping, or social habits
The Role of Iman — 23:00
Faith can be helpful. There is no doubt that stronger iman helps. But sometimes iman is independent of the root cause of the problem, and sometimes the problem has nothing to do with iman. Having stronger iman is never going to be a problem — it is always good to have a better relationship with Allah. For some people, that relationship with Allah will allow them to overcome their depression and suicidal thoughts. For others, it will require more than just iman — it will require therapy.
And there is another aspect we need to acknowledge: those battling with mental trauma, those who experienced something traumatic when they were children and haven't come to terms with it. No matter how much iman or faith you have, that is not going to address the core of the problem. You need a trained counselor to unpack and unravel that knotted trauma from childhood. That's where therapy comes in.
And sometimes it is not even just psychological — sometimes there is a chemical imbalance. That is a medical matter altogether.
What to Say to Someone Who Is Struggling — 26:00
From a religious perspective, we bring up religion — but we understand that it is a tool, not the end-all-be-all. We should remind our young brothers and sisters that Allah is Rahman and Allah is Rahim. Allah says in the Quran: "Don't kill yourselves — Allah is compassionate towards you." Notice that in the very verse that prohibits suicide, Allah mentions His merciful nature. He is reminding you that no one loves you more than Allah.
We remind those who are struggling that Allah says: the future is going to be better for you than the past. There is a light at the end of that tunnel. Tomorrow is going to be a better day — and that is a Quranic reality.
And we need to say — every one of us, to our family and friends — "I am here for you." Even if we don't know that a particular person is struggling, that person should feel that if they need help, you are there. The comfort and warmth and love you give people can be life-saving.
If someone says "you'll never understand what I'm going through" — the response is very clear: "Maybe you're right. Why don't you explain it to me?" You don't have to claim to understand their pain. But what you can say is: "Allah understands. And no soul is burdened with more than it can bear." The very fact that you are being tested is proof that Allah knows you have it in you to pass that test.
Also: your friends would rather talk to you than pray over your janazah. Tell them that. Find somebody to talk to.
On Medication — 28:00
One more point: the brother who wrote the note said that medication did help him. I'm not a doctor, and I'm not going to argue medically. But people have come to me struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, and they have told me that medication has helped them overcome some of those thoughts. We should not dismiss medication outright. If doctors prescribe it and there are experts in the field, that is something we should be open to.
On Gun Control — 30:00
One final point — and it is relevant specifically to us here in America. I am quoting directly from the brother's own note: "I would say the only hard part of the plan was getting the guns, but that would be a lie. Gun control in the US is a joke. All my brother had to do was go to the gun shop, say he wanted a gun for home defense, sign some forms, and that was it. There was a question asking if he had any mental illness, but he lied. They didn't ask for proof or whether he was taking any medication — it was just a yes or no question. Literally anyone can get a gun if they haven't been officially diagnosed."
Both of these brothers were taking medication for mental illness. Both had been diagnosed as clinically depressed and suicidal. And yet, as he himself says, gun control in the US is a joke. A diagnosed, mentally ill, suicidal person could simply walk in and buy two guns without a rudimentary background check.
I don't want to make this overly political, but to those who say we shouldn't politicize gun control following a tragedy — when the person who committed the act himself writes a suicide note saying he shouldn't have been able to get those guns, at what point do we acknowledge the problem? This country has the highest rate of death by guns among all the liberal Western democracies — by far. And the reason is straightforward: the ease of access to weapons. No matter what happens, the gun lobbies remain powerful. And it shows the shallowness of our politics.
Conclusion — 34:00
In all likelihood, every one of you knows somebody who is potentially thinking of suicide. Every one of you — without exception — is in the direct circle of someone who may be struggling.
The question is not about the past. The question is about the future. What are we going to do about battling mental illness, depression, and suicidal thoughts in the next generation? It is not their fault. We don't understand why kids who seem to have everything are still empty and searching for meaning. But it is what it is. And I don't want to see our own children, our own youth, go down this road.
It's time that we stop pretending this trouble doesn't exist. Forget what people are going to say — it's your own kid, your own son, your own daughter. Open your hand and your heart to them. There is nothing more precious to us — after our faith — than our children.
This incident should be an eye-opener for all of us. We have to try our best to work actively toward reducing mental illness, depression, and especially suicide. We ask Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) for His protection, and we ask Allah to help guide us — and to guide others through us.