Full Lecture Transcript (Cleaned)
Campus interactions — 0:00
what constraints should muslim men and women oblige by when meeting persons of the opposite gender on campus either academically or socially common sense applies honestly common sense applies it's really you don't need a long lecture everybody knows uh when things are getting out of hand everybody knows one decent conversation is becoming flirtatious you don't need to be taught how to flirt with the opposite gender and the sharia does not encourage sparks of passion flying pre-marriage because everybody knows where it's going to lead so the main the main generic advice that i can give as an older brother is never should a brother and sister meet alone and unsupervised it's as simple as that the prophet saws was very clear about this that never is a man and woman together alone except that shaytan is the third of them anytime there are meetings they should be done in public with multiple people and any time and of course i mean this is i'm sure this question is going to come up in the in the next few questions but if you find that feelings are developing we go back to the previous question there's nothing wrong with feelings and frankly it's only natural and normal that feelings are going to develop keep those feelings in check until it's time that it's possible to take talk about marriage and when that conversation is going to happen it should never happen alone should never happen just one-on-one bring friends and family whenever family is involved things are always going to be dignified and decent right there's nothing wrong with having a feeling for somebody that hey i think this person is going to make a good life partner for me there's nothing wrong with that but if you get family involved if you get friends involved and you don't do things secret then everything's going to be above board and i know i'm jumping the gun you're going to have some other questions about this but i want to say one thing that brothers and sisters at that age listen you want your life to be blessed you want your marriage to be blessed you want your future to be blessed in order to do that you need to lay the foundation pre-marriage not after marriage you need to lay the foundations now you don't want to do things listen to me carefully and i'm being blunt here you don't want to do things that you are going to regret for the rest of your life because this is not just a one-off mistake this is something that will emotionally and psychologically scar you okay let me again be explicit here you don't want to be getting flashbacks of somebody else on your wedding night think how you're starting your life think it's not an easy mistake this is a big mistake it's not a trivial mistake so in order to not get to that level you need to start cutting off way before you get to that level because at that stage and we've all been through that stage at that stage even you do not know how powerful your emotions can become in fact the quran calls those sexual desires intentions the quran calls it it's an intoxication the word sakura is used intoxication allah calls the lust love that happens you know it's in the quran the word sakura is used like you're intoxicated meaning you cannot even think rationally you know and again that's not to get too explicit here sometimes i have to control myself well look at the crimes of passion that occur look at college campuses and the date rape culture and whatnot right what is going on what is all of that stuff it's literally that a person is not even able they're not thinking rationally so when you uh go down this route and avenue unless you keep yourself in check it's very easy to slip all the way to the end my advice therefore is each one of you needs to think long and hard especially when feelings develop to keep those feelings dignified listen to me again there's nothing wrong at all with having a feeling for somebody actually that is totally natural there's nothing wrong with that but once that exists number one you wait until the marriage age comes when you're 17 that's not the age to talk about marriage it's just the way the society is you have to be of age that if you're a young man you need to have close to having a job if you can't afford to pay your rent how are you going to have a a wife you know as a sister as well what age are your family going to be willing to get you married number two once you get to that marriage age do not do things on your own do not go solo bring in family and friends you know and see what can be done in a halal manner and then insha'allah i strongly encourage you know young men and women to get the nikah done but this is the problem of parents and whatnot and probably one of the questions is going to be about that but if it was in my if it was in my control i would tell all the parents that as soon as your young you know son or daughter uh is of intellectual maturity and that varies from person to person 20 21 22 23 whatever intellectual maturity at least if they find a partner get the katsav ki tablin katakurami is just the right signing the contract they're not going to be living together as husband as well i strongly encourage that this should this is healthy in the society we live in that a young man and a young woman once they decide they want to get married at least the nikah should be done so that if they want to you know go out on a quote-unquote date even though they're technically married but they have dinner at lunch together they spend time on the phone together but they're not living together then it's all halal all the families know and at that age it's good to have an outlet that is totally halal without actually living this is very important i'm putting this in your minds because sometimes parents do allow this if their parents don't allow it well then that's just a part of life and i'll advise you one last point before the next question however you're feeling now remember it and remember when you have a son or daughter that is now your age and try to then work with them and don't be like the uncle aunties that you are so frustrated at your age and allah knows best foreign