Full Lecture Transcript (Cleaned)
The Question — 50:06
A lady says: I have been divorced. I have no family here. There's no one to help me. How can I go about finding a husband? To what extent can I advertise that I'm looking for a husband?
Okay, very awkward question. Now let me tell you a hadith in Bukhari and Muslim.
The Hadith of Subay'ah al-Aslamiyyah — 50:23
This is from the source books of Islam. In the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him), Subay'ah al-Aslamiyyah was married to her husband, and he passed away while she was pregnant. Within a few weeks she gave birth.
Now, if a pregnant lady whose husband passes away — there's a discussion between the two opinions: is her iddah four months and ten days, or until delivery? This hadith tells us that the earlier of the two finishes the iddah. She gave birth before the four months and ten days — about one month went by, and she gives birth.
So she wanted to get married again. She was still young; this was her first or second child. So what did she do? This hadith is in Bukhari and Muslim. She beautified herself and she put on henna.
Now pause here. Women in Medina at the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him) — in the Arab culture at the time, ladies who wanted to get married would have a decoration that indicates they're single. Like in Western culture, the purpose of the ring or not having the ring — there is a wisdom that exists for how eligible bachelorettes are going to tell people that they are interested in marriage.
So she beautified herself — and by beautification, it doesn't mean makeup and whatnot. Just basically there are ways that are halal, like the henna and other things of this nature.
The Brother-in-Law's Objection — 52:29
She was dressed like this when her brother-in-law came to visit, and he became angry. He said, "You haven't even waited four months and ten days, and you're going to marry after my brother died? I am not going to allow you to do this."
So she says — the hadith is in Bukhari and Muslim — she says, "I wore my hijab and I went to the Prophet immediately and I said, 'Ya Rasulallah, I gave birth, I want to get married, and my brother-in-law came and said I cannot get married. What can I do?'"
And so the Prophet (peace be upon him) allowed her to get married whenever she wanted to do so. He saw her with the henna. He knows that she's basically, in a halal manner — what is she doing? Sending the message that she is available.
This hadith is in Bukhari and Muslim. Famous incident of the Sahabiyyat. And from this, all the madhahib have derived that when a lady is pregnant and her husband dies, her iddah finishes when the first of the two conditions is met. But I'm going to derive another point.
The Cultural Problem — 53:53
We have this culture of complete — like there should be no advertisement, there should be nothing. You tell me — this sister emailed me, she has no family in America. How is she going to get married? In an Islamic environment, what is she going to do?
Practical Advice — 54:00
She has to put herself out on those websites — and so many times, they're not the best people. The marriage websites and whatnot — they're not the best people out there.
But what I advise the sister: dua to Allah, obviously, and then spread the word to friends. Word of mouth is the best. The websites that are there — we all know a lot of times you don't have the best people. But if you can find a wali, if you can find an older uncle, even if they're overseas — because there's a website — who will monitor the incoming emails and sift through, when you have a man that acts as an intermediary, it brings a lot of betterment in this regard.
But in the end of the day, it's not necessary to do that. And you are allowed to — and this is the awkward thing — to what level can she present herself? Because this is where the awkwardness comes in.
In a dignified manner, people are allowed to know that you're looking for a husband. Yes. And this is from Islamic tradition. That's how the world works. How else do you expect this to happen?
So yes, you can do so. You can advertise on the Islamic websites. And most importantly, spread the word amongst the sisters that are married — that if their husbands have friends and whatnot, this is the best way to do so.