Full Lecture Transcript (Cleaned)
Children and honesty before marriage — 0:00
the next question we have but brother musa from singapore masha'allah a beautiful country beautiful land a little bit tight to move around in but tall buildings and mashallah great cuisine uh brother moosa from singapore emails stating that for specific reasons he doesn't want to mention that he has made up his mind to never have children and he wants to get married is it permissible for him to get married without informing his wife to be of this intention okay so can he get married without telling the lady that he does not want to have children um the response to this obviously we know that marriage is a strongly encouraged sunnah and it is one of the goals of our sharia and really of humanity and of the goals of marriage is to have family and children one of the pleasures of this world is to have children and in fact it is a natural desire in almost all of mankind muslim and non-muslim you know it doesn't matter the desire to have a family and to have children it is ingrained in us now you are not telling us the reason which is fine that your prerogative you are saying that you do not want to have children if you have a medical condition that precludes you from having children it is obligatory on you it is wajib on you this is for male and female both men and women listen to this carefully if you cannot have children for a medical or biological reason you are not allowed to hide this fact from your future partner you are worried about who's going to marry me i guarantee you insha'allahu allah put your trust in allah you will find a partner that might have the same issue as you subhanallah there might be a man who cannot have children and a lady might be barren and she is worried who's going to marry me who's going to marry me and so subhanallah the two of them will be connected together and they both know that they cannot have children so you cannot hide this fact because this is a type of deception and you are going to deceive your partner if you do not uh mention this this issue and our prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said whoever deceives us is not of us so it is not allowed for you to hide a medical defect to the i mean medical defect here that is problematic to the marriage and you must tell your spouse uh to be now suppose you are medically fine but you are not certain do you want to have children or not you are flirting with the idea for whatever reason you had a bad experience as a child you don't want to have you know what not so realize that you know you should not be so adamant in this regard maybe you will change your mind maybe she will change your mind maybe when you're 30 you know right now you're 20 25 maybe when you're 30 35 your biological clock will feel differently so don't be that certain about an opinion that you hold at a certain stage of your life and if you are fairly certain that you really do not want to have children but you're biologically normal what i would advise you to do is to open up to your spouse to be your fiance at that time and say you know what you know these are the reasons that i'm not really eager to have children and you should know that now realize that even you cannot be certain even you do not know how you will feel after 10 years so you yourself should humble your own opinion this is if you are medically fit if you are not medically fit it is wajib for you to say to your wife uh to be if you are medically fit but for whatever reason psychological reason you don't want to have children i myself know of a number of people that they felt this way when they were uh you know uh in their 20s or whatnot and then once they got married then you know their biological clock their maturity they see everybody else they feel a need in their lives so i would ask you as well to humble your own self and to realize maybe you will change your mind nonetheless if it is something that you are fairly certain on you should not conceal this from your spouse to be but also be humble in your wording and say you know i really um i'm discouraged to have children for such and such reasons and your wife might say you know your wife tb might say don't worry inshallah when we get married i will convince you otherwise and she'll feel confident but even in this case you should not hide it because again this is a very important factor of marriage and the majority of mankind wants to have a child and so your wife might be eager to have a child very early on you might say no no i want to wait a few years and it is halal to wait as you know maybe another q a we'll talk about this but birth control is halal no problem to do that for legitimate reasons so the point being that you should not conceal this intention if it is a strong intention if it is just an idea you have we all have ideas here and there and there's no need to share everything if it's not going to affect your partner and you know maybe you yourself will change your mind uh early on nonetheless uh something that is fairly certain should be shared and then it is up to her what she wants to do with this knowledge whether she will try to change her mind whether she will risk it whether she will say i'm not interested in such a husband but you should not deceive uh your spouse to be and you should be very clear about your expectations and this will be better for your marriage why would you want to conceal something that might be detrimental uh you know you think that you're going to trap the lady no on the contrary you're going to make her miserable you think that once she's in the marriage then everything will be fine no anything both husband and wife to be anything that might be problematic later on should be brought up as early as possible so that that damage is minimized and that insha allah you know you can work together to solve that issue and allah knows best foreign