Full Lecture Transcript (Cleaned)
The Question — 0:00
An anonymous sister writes with a very lengthy question which I'll summarize. She got married to a man and after the marriage discovered that he had an illegitimate child from a lady from before their marriage — he was not married to that lady. The father still has a relationship with his child and brings the child over every once in a while. She was not informed of this child before the marriage and now feels uncomfortable, especially because the two of them have children — daughters. She asks: is this boy considered a mahram to her biological daughters? Does that child have any financial right or inheritance rights over her husband? Should this boy be considered part of her family or not?
Moral Assessment: Concealing the Child Was Wrong — 1:43
No doubt, for you to not have been told is not something that is good. This is not information that he should have kept hidden from you. While the marriage is valid, it is not healthy to keep such secrets because you are the life partner of this person — he has a child that is his, and the fact that he was in an illegitimate relationship is something you have the right to be affected by.
What he did was not right by not telling you. You should have been made aware of the circumstances and then allowed to make an informed decision. However, the fact that you were not told does not negate the validity of the marriage contract between you and your husband. Whatever sin the man or the woman has done before the marriage — of a sexual nature — does not invalidate the marriage itself. The previous sins of a spouse with a third party or a child being born does not nullify the nikah.
The Technical Issues: General Rules — 3:16
This issue is multifaceted and I'm going to give you generic rules. I do encourage you or your husband to go to a shaykh — a local shaykh — and explain your situation so that the shaykh can quiz you and get more details. If there's a specific fatwa needed, go to a specific scholar so that any exceptional circumstances can be taken care of.
The Child Is Absolutely Blameless — 4:06
This issue of children born out of unwed relationships is one of the greatest dangers of intercourse outside of marriage, as it results in children who don't have stable families. This is one of the primary reasons why our religion has legislated sexuality within marriage and forbids it outside of marriage.
We need to know that the child of an unwed couple is absolutely blameless in all circumstances. Never should such a child carry any blame or be made to feel guilty for what the parents have done. It is true that some books of Islamic law say that the child born of such circumstances should not be the imam or should not be a person of power or dignity — but that is their cultural understanding of certain generic aspects of the Shariah.
In reality, the Quran is explicit that no soul shall bear the sin of another. Whatever the parents might have done, the child is sinless. The circumstances of the birth have nothing to do with the honor and dignity of that child. It is unbefitting, unbecoming, and un-Islamic for anybody to diminish the honor of that child for something the parents might have done. The child deserves nothing but love and comfort. Anyone who makes the child feel uncomfortable is doing something that is sinful.
Legal Protections vs. Moral Status — 6:07
The child that is born outside of wedlock technically does not take on the legal protections afforded by marriage. We have to differentiate between the moral status of the child — which is unblemished — versus the technical perks that come from being born in a marriage situation.
In Islamic law, when a child is born within marriage: the child takes on the name of the father, the financial responsibility is that of the father, the child inherits from the father, and the father is financially responsible for raising the child. However, if the child is born outside of wedlock, the default position is that there are no such protections: the child will not take the name of the father, the child will not inherit from the father, and the financial responsibility will not be on somebody who is not considered to be the legal father.
When the Mother Is Married (The Child Belongs to the Bed) — 7:31
If the woman is married and zina occurs with another man, that's something totally different. In this case, the child shall take on the name of the married husband, and any external affair will be ignored and neglected by anybody outside of the marriage situation. No one else has the right to interfere in a marriage situation — even if modern DNA tests show otherwise, it means nothing to us because our Shariah laws are not necessarily the same as biological DNA.
Our Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "The child is ascribed to the marriage (the bed) that it was born upon." This is the rule of Islamic law. There's only one exception: when the husband himself says, "This child is not mine," and then undertakes a particular process called li'an. Only the husband has the right to do this — an outsider cannot and should not get involved.
If Both Parents Later Marry Each Other — 9:36
If the lady were single (not married) and the father and mother of the child both agree and claim that this child is theirs — a couple in an illicit relationship with one person — and then they decide to get married: can we backtrack the marriage?
Here we have a majority and a minority opinion. The majority position (the default of the four madhabs) is that the child shall be considered illegitimate even if the marriage takes place. However, many modern scholars — including my own teacher Shaykh Ibrahim — argued quite forcefully that in this case, with all of these conditions, we shall backtrack the marriage and consider the child to be a legitimate child — name, inheritance, and everything established.
This is the position that I also follow, and it is the position of Ibn Taymiyyah. It is in line with the goals of the Shariah where we want to cover up a sin, not criminalize the child, protect the interests of the child, and not have any backlash. The two have repented clearly and are trying to make amends by getting married together.
Application to the Sister's Case — 11:23
However, the sister's case is different — this man had a child and did not ever marry the woman he had the child with. So the Ibn Taymiyyah exception does not apply here. If he had married the woman with a legitimate nikah and they both acknowledged the child as theirs, then the child would be considered legitimate. But without a nikah, there's nothing to extrapolate — the child is going to be considered technically and legally not his.
Financial Responsibility — 12:03
Because the default position is that the biological father is not the legal father, there shall be no inheritance, and the earlier scholars said there shall be no obligatory maintenance. When there's no technical or legal linkage between this child and the man who sired him — even if he's the biological father — just like there's no inheritance and the child does not have to obey the father, the father does not have to give financial support. This is the default position of the earlier scholars.
However, "doesn't have to" does not mean "should not." There's no doubt that he should, especially if the child is having difficulty being raised by the mother and her relatives.
I will simply point out that a group of modern scholars are arguing that a person who engages in illegitimate intercourse should be partially if not fully financially liable as well. This is a modern opinion — I'm not aware of any pre-modern scholar who obligated financial support upon the biological father. These modern scholars argue that the bulk of the burden is then placed on the woman, yet the pleasure and the sin were shared by both. Why should the woman be burdened financially when both are equally guilty — or perhaps the man is even more guilty?
No scholar ever prohibits this support, and it is definitely the morally correct thing to do. The fact that your husband is helping the child, taking care of the child once in a while, and giving money — this is something that is the least that he should do.
Marriage Prohibitions (Mahram Rules) — 15:18
You asked about the issue of marriage prohibitions — you're worried that this boy is coming to your house and you have daughters from this marriage. Is there a mahram relationship or prohibition of marriage?
The vast majority of scholars — the Hanbali position, the Maliki position, the Hanafi position — say that even if the child is illegitimate, the marital rules and prohibitions will apply. If a male and female engage in premarital intercourse and have a daughter, that girl shall be prohibited for her biological father and for all of the biological father's sons and uncles. In other words, the child will be considered — for the purpose of marriage — like a real, legitimate child. Not for the purpose of nasab (lineage), inheritance, or patrilineal descent, but for the purpose of marriage, yes.
There is one madhab that disagreed — with utmost respect for that great Qurashi imam — but this position we have to respectfully delegate to the footnotes and leave as something to know but never to act upon. Your biological daughter is a daughter for marital purposes.
Therefore, this young boy coming to your house is haram for your daughters, because your daughters are also children of the same man who fathered this boy — so they are his half-sisters when it comes to marriage. They are not his half-sisters when it comes to legal rights and privileges or the last name, but they are half-sisters for the issue of marriage. There cannot be any marriage between your daughters and this boy. Likewise, you as well become haram for this boy because you are married to his father.
I should point out that quite a number of scholars said that yes, marriage is haram, but still hijab should be observed because they don't want to fully extrapolate the sanctity of marriage to situations outside of marriage.
Closing Advice — 17:42
I understand, sister, that clearly this has irritated you and you have every right to be irritated. But I advise you to allow your husband some leeway in showing love and care for this child — it's not the child's fault. The fact that your husband is spending time with the child and spending money on it — I know it will cause you some grief because you would rather he spends on your children. But put yourself in the shoes of the child.
As long as he's giving you your rights, giving your children and his children their rights — if he gives some time and some money to this child born outside of marriage, and insha'Allah it helps this child grow up in somewhat of a stable environment, be a productive person, be a good Muslim — expect your reward from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
I know it's difficult and awkward, and yes he should have told you. But what has happened has happened. You being good to others, insha'Allah they're going to be good back to you and Allah will reward you. Even though the child is not yours, it's not the child's fault — for you to show kindness, love, and compassion, and bring the heart of the child close to the family environment, insha'Allah you will get your reward. And in the end, Allah knows best.